A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic
by neterlan
Summary: A psychological thriller that explores the questions of life and destiny. When the local insane asylum-turned High school mysteriously burns to the ground, Sakura High School finds itself host to an influx of new students. Hilarity ensues as the Light Music Club discover that their school is now full of maniacs with severe social issues. Warning: May contain traces of product.
1. Yui and the Thing From Another School

A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic

A psychological thriller that explores the questions of life and destiny.

Disclaimer: K-On! Belongs to Kakifly and KyoAni.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Yui and the Thing From Another School.**

Yui did not have the strongest grip on reality, as the rest of the Light Music Club knew. There were times when Yui defied all logic and common sense, like the time when she managed to outrun all of her friends in the marathon simply because she thought she ate the last rice cake, or that time when she filled up the club's storage room with plushies. Yes, whether it be filling up Nodoka's bathtub with crayfish or trying to eat Mugi's eyebrows, Yui had shown that she did not have the strongest grip on reality.

So it came to the complete surprise of absolutely no one that Yui did not think of a plausible explanation for why the entire district around the school was completely covered with smoke.

"Maybe they're trying to make a new type of marshmallow that you breathe in rather than bite?" Yui suggested as she closed the windows of the Light Music Club to keep the smoke out.

"Yui, I don't think that this has anything to do with marshmallows," stated Mio.

"Nonsense! Imagine the possibilities! You can eat an entire packet of marshmallows just by breathing!" Yui insisted.

"Although, how are you supposed to toast breathable marshmallows over a camp fire?" wondered Mugi.

"Hmm." Yui pondered. It would indeed be difficult to toast a gaseous marshmallow. Marshmallows by their very nature could only be toasted to perfection over a camp fire because they exist in a fluffy solid state. That also brought up the question of how one sticks a stick into a gassy marshmallow.

"Maybe there's a fire in the school?" Azusa offered, shaking Yui from her thoughts on marshmallow dynamics.

"Oh no. What if it's our room?" Yui cried as she began to look around the club room for fire.

"Yeah, no," Mio dismissed, "If the club room, or anywhere in the school caught on fire we would already be outside waiting for the fire department to put it out."

"Whatever the case, I'm sure that all this smoke will have no impact on our lives in the near future whatsoever," dismissed Ritsu, who was secretly wondering what gaseous marshmallows taste like.

* * *

The next day was just as mundane and normal as any other day for the Light Music Club. Ton the turtle was floating aimlessly in its tank, the tea smelled of the orient and the cockroach on Mio's back gave her quite the shock.

"Come on Mio-chan, he only wanted to play with you." Ritsu, who was quite amused, said to her childhood friend currently curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the room.

"I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I'm not scared..." Mio muttered to herself on the floor.

"Who knows Mio, maybe he liked you enough to lay three hundred eggs in your hair," Ritsu whispered into Mio's ear before running her fingers up Mio's back. The result was as expected.

"AAAAAAAAHHH!" Mio screamed and quickly sat up, hitting Ritsu's head in the process before running out of the room.

"Too easy." Ritsu muttered to herself smugly. Teasing her shy childhood friend has become a hobby of hers over the years. Unknown to everyone else, Ritsu was secretly keeping a record of all of Mio's reactions to various gross stimuli so that she may scare the long haired bassist with more efficiency.

From the data she had gathered, Ritsu had deduced that mentioning blood to Mio gave the desired effect just as showing her an arthropod. Conversely, mentioning an arthropod or similar invertebrate gave a weaker reaction than making Mio come in physical contact with one. Ritsu had yet to actually get blood to come in physical contact with Mio, that was for another day but she hypothesised that the results would be hilarious.

"One of these days you're going to give that girl a heart attack," Mentioned Sawako, who was currently sipping on a cup of Sri Lankan tea provided by Mugi.

"Come on Sawachan, don't act like you wouldn't do the same thing to her." Ritsu retorted making her way back to her chair.

"...That's irrelevant. Come on, it's almost time to start home room" Sawako dismissed before finishing her tea. The Light Music Club room was the only place that she could relax and spend time with the only semblance of friends that Sawako had since graduating. Sawako's was a lonely existence of grading test papers and trying to hide her old shame from her high school days. The Light Music Club on the other hand, only put up with her because she lets them drink tea when they should be practicing

The Light Music Club members then left the club room and made their way to their respective classrooms. After settling down in their seats, a deep and commanding voice over the speaker system interrupted the morning routine of all of the classrooms.

"_Good morning Sakura High School. This is your Principal with an important announcement concerning the following weeks. Some of you may have noticed the smoke that covered the school yesterday afternoon. Some of you may also know that the smoke came from Tsubaki High School nearby as it burned down to the ground._

_Now, thankfully there were no deaths in the fire despite most of them receiving injuries, but the students there are now without a school. The School Board has agreed to let the students from Tsubaki continue their education here until the damage from the fire is repaired. They will arrive tomorrow and occupy the unused classrooms, so please make them feel welcome. That is all. You can continue with your day."_

"Well that happened." Sawako muttered to herself, wondering why the principal would agree to almost double their student population overnight. Though, her main concern was the fact that Tsubaki High School was an all-boys school. Many of the students were also aware of this and excitedly whispered among themselves about the news.

* * *

"Mio, just because Tsubaki High used to be a mental asylum doesn't mean the guys there belong in one." Ritsu reassured her friend as they walked into the club room with Mugi for the morning. Mio was having none of this.

"You and I both heard the rumours. They get high on paint fumes, lash out at the slightest provocation and are compulsive liars." Mio argued, ever the cautious one.

"Even if that were true, there's no way that _we _would ever meet those kinds of boys. I mean, Satoshi goes there and he turned out alright." Ritsu said, trying to placate her friend.

"Well I heard that the school just dressed up the mental patients and told everyone that they were teachers." Mugi chimed in as they sat down at their respective chairs. The conversation came to a stop as the door opened again, revealing Azusa being pestered by her senior, Yui.

"And that's why we must always carry at least two protractors around to replace Mugi's tasty, tasty eyebrows." Yui said finishing her tale to her junior.

"Sometimes I wonder what goes on in your head, then I realise I like having my sanity intact." Azusa said in a deadpan voice.

"Well that killed the conversation." Mio muttered as Azusa and Yui sat down with their friends. Mugi was about to get up to prepare some tea for the club when-

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

-a voice screamed from the storage closet, before the door burst open and a plastic-wrapped bundle crashed through the door. The mass collapsed on the floor and writhed about.

"Da blob has got me! Da blob has got me!" The same voice cried frantically, all the while rolling back and forth. The Light Music Club members had varying reactions. Mugi calmly moved out of the way of the 'blob's' victim, Mio nearly had a heart attack, Ritsu laughed at Mio, Azusa panicked and Yui moved to help the squirming person on the floor.

"What's going on in here!" Sawako yelled as she entered the club room. The mass stopped rolling and quickly stood up (quite the feat considering it was wrapped from neck to toe in a translucent plastic material), revealing itself to be a boy in what appeared to be a straitjacket fashioned into a school uniform.

"Help! Da blob has got me!" He pleaded, his mop of dark brown hair covered head the only part of him not entangled.

"I'll help you!" Yui responded to him, deftly ripping the plastic from the boy's body.

"Danks for da save!" The boy smiled and gave Yui thumbs up while thanking her. She looked at the plastic sheets now in her hand, identifying it as bubble-wrap.

"Looks like I got here just in time. Mugi, start brewing some tea. We've got a lot of explaining to do." Sawako ordered Mugi before taking a seat. Ritsu meanwhile, was lingering over her catatonic friend who was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Hey Mio," Ritsu whispered while leaning in to Mio, "DA BLOB'S COMING TO GET YOU!" Ritsu yelled into her friends ear. Mio's reaction was to simply stop moving and collapse to the ground, unmoving.

"I like dat girl." The sole male in the room said to Yui while getting a chair for himself.

"You mean Ricchan?" Yui questioned.

"Da one dat fell down." The boy confirmed before sitting down.

Ritsu caught the end of that conversation and smiled deviously, gears already turning in her head.

* * *

"Good Morning. I am Kentaro, da president of da Tsubaki High School Hobby Club. Nice to meet all of you." The boy, Kentaro, introduced himself while sitting down.

"We're the Light Music Club." Yui told Kentaro,"I'm Yui, that's Mugi over there making tea, Ricchan, Azunyan and Mio," Yui explained while gesturing to each member,"And this is Sawachan." Yui finished pointing to her teacher.

"Are you da president of your club?" Kentaro inquired.

"No, that's Ricchan." Yui stated while pointing to said president.

"I would've dought dat you were. You look like da most well adjusted to reality out of everyone in dis room Yui, save for myself of course." Kentaro ended with an all-knowing nod, which Yui shared with him. Yui was happy that someone else finally saw how random and chaotic the other members of the Light Music Club actually were. Mio wondered about just what they were getting themselves into.

"Why were you in our clubroom?" Mio asked. It was a legitimate question. Sawako raised her hand in response.

"I'll fill in this one. You see, since the school took in so many students at once, all of our clubs have to share a room with a club from Tsubaki." Sawako explained.

"Won't that make our clubroom really full?" Azusa questioned.

"It's okay, da Hobby Club's only got three members left. Da rest transferred to oder schools after da school burned down-" Kentaro explained, "-and it totally wasn't because of me!" He hastily finished while shaking his hands in front of himself.

"...Okay. Let me rephrase my question: what were you doing in our _storage closet_?" Mio asked. It was also a legitimate question.

"I was sorting out all of my hobby supplies and board games in da closet so I wouldn't get in da way of anyone. I even came extra early so I'd have everyding ready before school started. Den da blob creeped and leaped, and slided and glided on da floor and got me." Kentaro said as Mugi placed a cup of red tea in front of him. Kentaro was ecstatic.

"Wow! You guys are awesome! I don't even know and you gave me tea!" Kentaro exclaimed while wearing an ear-to-ear grin. "Takkun never gets us tea!" He said before taking another sip. Azusa then spoke up.

"Um, Kentaro. Why are you wearing a straitjacket?" She asked meekly. Kentaro turned to the younger girl and smiled.

"Dis isn't a straitjacket, it's my school uniform." He informed her. The grey jacket had belt buckles where the buttons would be on a regular school uniform and it had a leather belt used as a tie. There were even straps hanging off of the sleeves in case the wearer's arms needed to be restrained. Sawako suddenly stood up with a panicked expression covering her face.

"Crap! We're late for home room!" Sawako yelled, "Come on! Get to class!" She finished while hurrying her students out of their club room.

* * *

"And dat's how you make a robot out of cardboard boxes. I call it Kentarology." Kentaro finished as he and Yui walked into the club room. Yui was hooked on Kentaro's every word as they moved to the tables. Kentaro noticed a certain shelled reptile in the corner of the room.

"Is dat a turtle?" he asked Yui.

"Yep. That's Tonchan. We bought her for Azusa and we keep her here in the clubroom. She really ties the room together now that my froggy is gone." She finished her sentence sullenly, remembering the many, many impossible adventures she and her amphibious plastic friend embarked on in her imagination.

"_I'a. I'a. Ton'thulhu f'tag'n._" Kentaro uttered in prayer to his patron god as the turtle floated aimlessly in its tank, perhaps secretly plotting the downfall of mankind.

The rest of the Light Music Club soon entered their room, settling down in their respective seats as Mugi moved to prepare a serving of tea and cake for everyone. Kentaro at that moment, stood up.

"Everyone, today has been awesome. You guys are awesome. So now, I'm going to give each of you a gift for being so awesome." Kentaro stated before walking into the storage closet for a brief moment before returning with a pile of neatly folded bubble-wrap.

"Yui, I give to you hours upon hours of fun." He said while handing the bubble-wrap to the undiagnosable girl. Yui popped a bubble, then another, then another and another before breaking out into giggles. She quickly grabbed Kentaro's hand and held their hands above them both. Kentaro understood.

"Friends!" They declared in unison while looking to the heavens. The two's bond of kinship rapidly solidifying itself before the Light Music Club.

"Oh god, there's two of them now." The rest of the Light Music Club realised as Kentaro let go of Yui's hand and went back into the storage closet. Yui in the meanwhile sat down and blissfully resumed popping the bubble-wrap her new friend had given her.

"Wow. That looks like fun." Mugi mused with her hands together. It was always so very interesting to her how the rest of the Light Music Club found joy in even the simplest of things.

"At least he's made a friend..." Sawako commented to herself before taking another sip of tea. Kentaro returned from the storage closet with a small can and a plastic packet. He handed them to Ritsu and Azusa respectively.

"Ricchan, to you I give a can of Prungles, my favourite brand of chips." Kentaro declared proudly to the president of the Light Music Club before turning to Azusa, "Azunyan, you can have dis bag of So-Fluffy! brand marshmallows I was saving for a special occasion." Azusa timidly accepted the soft and fluffy treats with a look of confusion on her face. Ritsu on the other hand just stayed silent and started munching on some Prungles.

"Mugi," Kentaro said turning to her, " Can I borrow your teacup for a moment?" He asked.

"Sure." Mugi replied while handing her empty teacup to him. Kentaro then wordlessly walked back into the storage closet to do Ton'thulhu only knows to her teacup.

"That was...weird." Azusa said to no one in particular while looking at the packet of So-Fluffy, puzzled.

"At least I got free chips out of it." Ritsu commented before taking another chip to her mouth.

"Hours and hours of fun." Yui said to herself while happily popping bubbles away.

"By the way Sawachan," Ritsu said to Sawako, "Since you're the advisor of our club, does that mean Kentaro's club's got an advisor too?" She asked.

Sawako could not answer her, mainly because she had her teacup over her mouth and taking a sip. At that moment, the door to the Light Music Club slammed open and tall bald man in a black suit stepped in. Upon seeing the slender man, Sawako spat out her tea in Ritsu's face.

"**This the Light Music Club?**" The man asked in a droning monotone voice. Sawako sputtered incoherently upon seeing another teacher. Her mind realising that she will now lose her position as a club supervisor, and consequently lose her personal Nirvana. The Light Music Club (minus Yui, who was preoccupied) came to the same conclusion.

"Yep, and the president of the Hobby Club is in the closet." Yui nonchalantly confirmed for the man in black, not taking her eyes off of her entertainment.

"**Good.**" The teacher droned before closing the door, "**Kentaro giving you any trouble?**" He asked, turning around.

"He burst out of the closet covered in bubble-wrap, then he gave me a can of Prungles, gave Azusa a packet of marshmallows and now he's back in the closet doing god knows what to Mugi's teacup." Ritsu summarised for the thin teacher, breaking out of her stupor along with the rest of the club.

"**So he's acting perfectly normal, for Kentaro at least. By the way I'm the advisor of the Hobby Club. You can call me Mr Souichiro. Don't wake me up.**" Mr Souichiro replied flatly, making his way to the couch and lying down. The Light Music Club then heard his snores and realised he had fallen asleep.

The Light Music Club had no time to process this information before the closet opened once more and Kentaro stepped out holding Mugi's teacup and a paintbrush.

"Mugi! Your gift is read-Oh hey, Mr Souichiro showed up." Kentaro said with surprise in his voice. "Anyway, Mugi, here's your gift. I painted your face on your teacup so you'd always know which one is yours." He then handed the rich girl her teacup. "It's on da base, Mugi. Behold!"

"Wow, that looks like me." Mugi commented after seeing a caricature of her face on the bottom of her now favourite teacup. "You even got my eyebrows right. Thank you Kentaro."

"You're welcome. Now, do any of you have a mirror I can borrow?" Kentaro asked the club.

"You can borrow mine." Mugi said as she handed the mirror she kept in her pocket to the president of the Hobby Club.

"Dank you." Kentaro then moved over to the club's whiteboard and took a marker. He then squatted next to his teacher sleeping on the couch and started to draw on his face. When Kentaro was satisfied, he left the mirror on Mr Souichiro's chest and walked over to Sawako.

"Sawachan, I have a very important job for you." Kentaro asked her with pleading eyes.

"Um, sure. What is it?" Sawako responded, uncertain as to what the mentally unstable boy had planned, if indeed he had a plan.

"Hold dis." He said while handing the whiteboard marker to Sawako. She looked to the pen in her hand in confusion as Kentaro turned to Mio.

"Mio, your gift isn't ready yet so you'll have to wait for a bit." Kentaro informed the bassist who nodded. Kentaro walked back to his closet, but not before slamming the door shut as loudly as he could.

"**Waaaagh.**" Mr Souichiro groaned dully as he was woken up by the sudden bang. He noticed a pink mirror on his chest and picked it up out of curiosity. His eyes widened as he saw what had been doodled all over his face. Mr Souichiro quickly sat up and saw the culprit: Sawako, who was holding the whiteboard marker. Sawako's mind went into a panic again as she realised that she was caught right in the middle of Kentaro's scheme.

"I-it's not what it looks like!" Sawako stuttered while holding her hands out in a placating manner. At that point Ritsu burst out in laughter, she too had just realised what Kentaro just had done. Mr Souichiro on the other hand, was not amused.

"**You girls. Go to class. You.**" He pointed at Sawako, his eyes narrowing. "**I want to have a word with you.**" Mr Souichiro droned as the Light Music Club left to go to class. Kentaro at that point left the storage closet and gave the thumbs up to Sawako before leaving her alone with the slender man.

* * *

"I'm dreading whatever he's going to give to me." Mio said in a worried tone as she and Ritsu walked back into the Light Music Club Room after school. Ritsu, on the other hand was more optimistic.

"You're going on about it like it's going to give you a heart attack. Kentaro seems like a nice guy, need I remind you that he gave me chips?" Ritsu offered to her friend as they sat down.

"Need I remind _you_ that he just framed Sawako for drawing on Mr Souichiro's face?" Mio countered with a raised eyebrow.

"I dought it was funny." A new voice said from behind Mio, surprising her for the second time that day. Kentaro and Yui had managed to sneak up on Mio while she and Ritsu were talking. "I'll go and finish your gift right now Mio." He told her and then went back to the storage closet.

"And I'll be right here with the bubble-wrap." Said Yui as she picked up her bubble-wrap and resumed popping. "Now to get back to what I was doing before class." She said to no one in particular, fully focused on her task. Mugi and Azusa soon entered the room themselves and then Mugi set tea for everyone.

"I wonder what he's going to give you Mio." Mugi asked after giving everyone a cup of tea, she reserved her favourite cup for herself. "Maybe he'll give you a toy." Mugi suggested while handing out sweets to the rest of her friends.

"Yeah! It might even be like that Mr Sniffley-Nose plushy you have." Ritsu said slyly, taking immense joy in seeing her friend's face turn red at the mention of her beloved stuffed toy.

"More likely, it'll be something random, out of place and confusing to everyone." Azusa commented, remembering the packet of So-Fluffy! Brand marshmallows that were currently in her school bag. Perhaps she too, will save those for a special occasion like her predecessor.

"I'm going to stick with Azusa's theory for now." Mio stated as she took a bite out of the sugar dusted pastry in front of her.

The Light Music Club had no time to dwell on the subject any more, as the storage closet door slammed open one more time, causing Mio to choke on her pastry out of shock. Kentaro emerged with a large rectangular object in his hands and a smile on his face.

"All done!" Kentaro declared cheerfully as he walked over to Mio's seat. "Mio, since I like you da most, I painted a picture for you. I hope you like it." Kentaro explained to Mio. She could not tell if the red on Kentaro's face was due to the afternoon sun, or if he was just being bashful about giving her a gift.

"Thank you, I guess." Mio said as she took the painting from his hands and looked into it. " So wha-" Was as far as Mio got before her mind completely shut down from looking the image in front of her. She had no words, her mind was blank. She knew that she was holding eldritch horror in her hands and that she was looking into the face of that-which-should-not-be. All Mio could do was stare into the abomination before her as her mind eroded into nothingness.

"I call it, Da Call of Ton'thulhu! I'm very proud of how da slime on da tentacles came out." The mad hobbyist declared with pride. Ritsu leaned over to her friend, snapping her fingers in front of Mio's face.

"Hey. Mio. You in there?" Ritsu called to her friend to no avail. She looked over to the painting in Mio's hands. "Ow. That gives a headache..." Ritsu recoiled from the blasphemous imagery before any permanent damage could be done to her psyche. Realisation then hit Ritsu. "Wow. I think you broke Mio." She said with an exasperated voice.

The rest of the Light Music Club recoiled in fear at the sole male in the room. He had accomplished in one day what Ritsu was unable to do in all the years that she had known Mio. Ritsu smiled and then laughed boisterously, slapping Kentaro on the back.

"Kentaro, you're alright. You and I are going to get along like your school on fire!" Ritsu declared to her new friend. "By the way, Mio said she likes your painting and wants more of them." She said to him with a scheme in mind.

"Really? She does? I mean, when I showed one of my paintings to my art teacher he had a heart attack." Kentaro asked with wide eyes. Ritsu's smile grew wider and she nodded.

"Yep. Says that it's the best art she's ever seen." Ritsu lied through her teeth, seeing this as an opportunity to put Mio through even greater scares than ever before. Kentaro was elated.

"Wow! Dat's great! I'll get right on it when I get home!" Kentaro said joyously as he hurriedly gathered his belongings and made his way out the door. Yui followed him out while still popping plastic bubbles and Mugi packed away her crockery. Azusa said what was on her mind.

"What on Earth did I just see?" She asked to the remaining club members, utterly lost and confused by the day's events.

"I thought today was quite fun." Mugi told her junior as they walked out of the clubroom with Ritsu.

"Look on the bright side Azusa: It can't get any weirder than today." Ritsu told Azusa as the three of them went home.

None of them realised that they left the comatose Mio behind in the clubroom with the painting of the eldritch abomination

* * *

**Next time on A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic:**

**Chapter 2: Ritsu and the Day the School Stood Still**


	2. Ritsu and the Day the School Stood Still

A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic

A psychological thriller that explores the questions of life and destiny.

Disclaimer: K-On! Belongs to Kakifly and KyoAni.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Ritsu and the Day the School Stood Still**

Ritsu did not like Mondays. She really did not. It signified the end of the enjoyable weekend and the start of the boring weekdays. How she loved the weekend. It gave Ritsu the freedom she desired to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted and however she wanted. Whether it be eating a can of Prungles, watching a terrible movie or planing Mio's next big scare, Ritsu was happy with whatever she did during the weekend. Then Monday comes and ruins everything.

There were however, exactly two things Ritsu did like about Mondays. One was that she could spend time with her Light Music Club and enjoy Mugi's treats. Ritsu almost felt entitled to them, she _was _the President of the Light Music Club, after all. The other thing Ritsu liked about Mondays was that it was the first of five days to torment her childhood friend: Mio.

How satisfying it was to see the Light Music Club's bassist curl up into a ball and mutter to herself how she wasn't scared, only for Ritsu to add one more touch and make Mio run out of the room screaming. Even more exciting was the possibility of having a cohort in her schemes: the mad artist Kentaro.

Though her first impressions of the boy from her brother's school was lacking at first he more than made up for it when he broke Mio after showing her his painting of things not meant to be seen by mortal eyes. Speaking of Mio.

"Hey Azusa! Have you seen Mio yet? We usually meet up before school but she wasn't there this morning." Ritsu asked her junior upon seeing her on the school grounds. Azusa turned around at the school gate and saw the president of the Light Music Club.

"No, I haven't" She replied. "Maybe she arrived early?" Azusa offered as Ritsu walked up to her.

"Probably not, considering what happened on Friday. Can't say I blame her, but at least the other guys in Kentaro's club won't be as crazy as him." Ritsu said as the two resumed walking to the club room. As they made their way up the stairs, the two noticed an unfamiliar sound. It sounded like someone was playing a piano in their club room. "You hear that Azusa?" She questioned.

"Maybe it's Mugi." Azusa suggested. It made sense that the sound of a piano would come from the only member of their club who actually knew how to play the piano. "Although, she's never played before everyone else showed up." She finished as they reached the door.

"Let's a have a look and find out." Ritsu said while peering through the glass on the door to the club room. What they saw was unexpected. There was a boy sitting in front of the club room's piano idly playing away. They could tell it was a boy as he was wearing the same straitjacket that Kentaro was wearing (cross dressing not withstanding). Wasting no time, Ritsu did what she thought was the best course of action.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Ritsu burst into the room and shouted as loudly as possible while rolling into a kneeling stance. "Hey there!"

"SHIT THE FUCK!" The sole male in the room yelled in surprise, quickly turning on the stool to face the two. "Give me a fucking heart attack. Why the fuck not?!" He said, glaring at Ritsu who only smiled sheepishly.

"Hi! I'm Ritsu, _President_ and drummer of the Light Music Club, and this is my underling, Azusa." Ritsu declared as she stood up. Azusa soon followed her into the club room and introduced herself.

"Yes. I'm Azusa. Nice to meet you, mister?" She asked politely.

"Takumi." He responded bluntly before he turned back to the piano and resumed playing. "You said you were the Light Music Club, right? Good. That means Mr Souichiro gave me the right directions for fucking once."

"Um. Takumi-senpai, are you from the Hobby Club by any chance?" Azusa asked out of curiosity as she closed the door that Ritsu barged open.

"Yep. Good to see that at least one other person in this school isn't completely bat shit insane." Takumi replied, his voice dripping with contempt. He stopped playing on the piano and turned to face the two again. "By the way, the fuck's up with her?" He gestured to the table at the back of the room which was currently occupied by Mio. She was holding something familiar to Ritsu in her hands. "She hasn't moved at all since I got here. It's kinda creepy."

Ritsu immediately walked over to her friend. "Hey Mio! You awake?" She said as she shook her friend's shoulder, who remained unmoving and unblinking. She then realised that the bassist was still holding Kentaro's painting from the previous Friday.

Realisation dawned on her as she thought of the implications. "I may have severely underestimated Kentaro." She muttered to herself. There was only one way to save her friend from the depths of her madness now. Action needed to be taken.

SMACK!

The sound of flesh impacting on flesh resonated in the room as Ritsu slapped her friend across the cheek as hard as she could, snapping her friend out of her stupor.

"OW! Ritsu! What was that for?" Mio cried, holding her cheek in one hand. The accursed painting fell unceremoniously to the table, quickly forgotten by its designated owner. "Just because school's ended doesn't mean you can just hit me."

"...Mio, what time do you think it is?" Ritsu asked cautiously, she needed to confirm her suspicions.

"Friday afternoon." Mio said in a deadpan voice, wondering why her friend was asking her such a silly question. Ritsu's fears were confirmed.

"Mio, it's Monday morning. You've been sitting here staring at that thing for three days!" Ritsu exclaimed with an incredulous look on her face. Mio shared her reaction and then saw what she had left on the table.

"Wha-" was as far as she got before memories of the last three days came crashing back. Mio reacted to the sudden influx of information the only way she knew how: curling up in the fetal position and quietly muttering to herself in denial. Ritsu had no time to follow through with a scare as she was interrupted by the sound of the door to the club room suddenly opening.

"Ken and Yui in da mooorning!" Kentaro and Yui sang in unison as they strolled into the room with their arms linked. Mugi followed behind the two, giggling to herself over the two's antics. Takumi turned to the newcomers and immediately stood to his full height, stomping over to Kentaro, who simply smiled.

"Good morning Takkun! I'm glad to see you're out of da hospital." Kentaro said to the much taller boy, who felt anger welling up within himself.

"No thanks to a certain greasy-haired fucker I know." Takumi replied, as a scowl covered his face. "That day when the school burned down, you jumped out of the second story window-"

"Dat sure was scary, but it's okay because I came out completely fine in da end!" Kentaro interrupted, oblivious to his classmate's fury.

"-and landed on ME!" Takumi finished, taking a step towards Kentaro in an intimidating manner, towering over Kentaro. "I've spent the last. Five. Fucking. Days, in the hospital, getting my ribs put back together. You're fucking lucky that I'm not gonna punch your stupid fucking face in right now." Takumi threatened as he turned back to the piano. "The doctor said that any rough activity could pop my bones again." He finished, seemingly calming down.

The Light Music Club at this point could see the differences between the two boys' uniforms now that they were both facing the club. While Kentaro's straitjacket was far too big for him, reaching down his knees with sleeves that went past his hands, Takumi's straitjacket had the opposite problem. It seemed to be too small for a person of his size with sleeves that had been rolled up. Takumi walked back to the piano and resumed playing a classical piece as Kentaro walked over to Mio.

"Mio! I'm back and I have anoder painting for you!" Kentaro exclaimed happily while pulling another eldritch horror from his bag. "Ricchan said you wanted anoder so here it is." Kentaro finished, handing the painting to Mio, who at that point glared at Ritsu.

"Ritsu..." Mio growled at Ritsu, who bashfully rubbed the back of her neck while grinning.

"Yeah. I may have, sort of, actually told him you liked his painting. While you were unconscious. Hehe." Ritsu confessed with a nervous chuckle. Inwardly, she was tearing her hair out now that her scheme was out in the open. Her saving grace came from her cloud cuckoo lander friend, Yui.

"Mio-chan! Ricchan! Azunyan! Kenkun and I had so much fun over the weekend!" Yui exclaimed merrily, skipping her way over to her friends. "I'd never seen so many cool toys in my life! There was this really cool turtle-thing with jagged teeth and a star-thing carved on its head." Yui finished happily, remembering the joys of seeing such a beautiful abomination. Takumi was horrified by Yui's declaration.

"Oh God, there's two of them now!" He shouted, his single eye that was not covered by his black hair widening as he recoiled from the two. "God damn it, two Kentaros? What if they make fucking more?" That made the rest of the girls stop in their tracks.

As if in unison, the entire room (save for Kentaro and Yui, who were discussing cardboard box matrices and their applications in marshmallow physics) imagined a scenario in their collective imaginations of a future reality where Kentaro and Yui had indeed, made more of themselves. They thought of Kentaro and Yui rolling around on the floor, both holding manga and laughing as a miniature Yui and an equally miniature Kentaro joined their parents while holding manga of their own.

Cries of "Daddy!" and "Mummy!" filling the room along with cries of "Son!" and "Daughter!" as the absent-minded family continued rolling on the floor. Everyone gave out a collective shudder at the possibilities. Ritsu was the first to recover and she knew what she had to do.

"Hey Mio! Are you going to stand by while Yui steals your boyfriend?" Ritsu said, shaking her friend out of her stupor in an attempt to prevent the darkest timeline from coming to pass. It also had the added benefit of putting Mio through more torment, as Ritsu so loved doing. Mio on the other hand, was not amused.

"W-what?!" Mio said to her friend. Her cries fell on deaf ears as Mugi voiced her encouragement.

"Give him a chance Mio, he did give you that painting you like after all." Mugi stated, excited that she would be able to witness how the middle class citizens court one another. Kentaro meanwhile, was busy introducing his new friend to the pianist.

Kentaro made his way back to Takumi over at his piano. "Hey Takkun, my larger minion. Have you met Yui-chan? She has a good grip on reality, like me!" Kentaro said to his 'minion' as said minion gave Mio what seemed like a look of sympathy before resuming his perpetual scowl. Yui simply beamed at Takumi.

"Good Morning! I'm Yui. Kenkun told me all about you, Takkun." Yui introduced herself to the irate pianist, who decided that that he could no longer stand being in the same room as the two lunatics.

"Come on Kentaro. Let's get to class before you give me another damn migraine." Takumi finished while dragging Kentaro by the collar out of the club room. The Light Music Club followed them out.

"Ritsu..." Mio growled at her friend. "What have you gotten me into?" Ritsu just chuckled nervously.

"Hehe, look on the bright side Mio. Now you have a boyfriend! Although, he's completely out of his mind but still!" Ritsu tried to reason. "Who knows, he might even stop being crazy thanks to you. Just one thing though" Ritsu said as she leaned in close. "Can you please name your first born after me?" Ritsu suggested with a sly grin on her face. Mio was having none of it, so she hit Ritsu on the head and went to class.

* * *

Ritsu made her way to the club room for lunch. She rubbed the lump on her head which persisted throughout the morning period. Mio definitely knew how best to hit Ritsu. It had almost become a comedy routine for the two friends: Ritsu would aggravate Mio (always unintentionally, Ritsu would claim) and Mio in turn would slap the drummer upside her head. When Ritsu reached the club room door, she could hear said childhood friend's voice.

"If you're a pianist then why are you in the Hobby Club?" Mio asked Takumi. It was a legitimate question. "I mean, shouldn't you have joined a music club?" Ritsu heard the sound of Takumi slamming his hands on the keyboard of the piano as she walked into the club room.

"The closest thing that Tsubaki has to a music club is the fucking Boy Band Club," Takumi said, turning to Mio. " And I'm not going back there." He finished, remembering the embarrassment to the fine art of music that was the Tsubaki High School Boy Band Club. Ritsu's curiosity was peaked.

"So I take it that you don't like the Boy Band Club?" She asked, hoping to get some sort of blackmail material on the Gothic pianist. Said pianist growled and decided to further elaborate on his frustrations.

"Those douche bags wanted me to be the tough guy in their boy band. So I joined, thinking that we'd, you know, actually play music." Takumi stated, his anger rising within him. "We didn't."

"So what you all do instead, senpai?" Azusa asked, her curiosity peaked. Takumi took in a breath.

"So instead of playing music or at least practising to play like any normal band would, all those ass hats did was sit around, drink tea and eat cake." Takumi elaborated. "Fucking embarrassments to music, if you ask me." Takumi's anger subsiding now that his issues with the Boy Band Club had been vented. The Light Music Club collectively felt embarrassed, considering how they usually treat the club room as their homes. Azusa was the first to speak up.

"I understand how you feel, Takumi-senpai." Azusa said with sympathy. She too knew of the frustrations of having to work with a club that wasted away their talents, who instead procrastinated by partaking in tea parties and snacking. Even Azusa herself took part in such frivolities, much to her eternal shame. "You really have no idea..."

The bonding between the two was brought to a halt, as the door to the storage closet opened and the president of the Tsubaki High School Hobby Club walked out.

"Mio-chan! Mio-chan! I finished painting your teacup!" Kentaro exclaimed with glee as he merrily skipped over to the long haired bassist. "It's on da base. Behold!" Kentaro had decided to paint the faces of all the members of the Light Music Club on their respective teacups. Mio cautiously received the teacup, wary of what happened the last time she received a gift from Kentaro.

"Uh. Thanks, Kentaro. I guess..." Mio responded and slowly turned the teacup so she could see what Kentaro had painted. To her relief, the teacup's base did not feature an eldritch abomination but rather it showed a caricature of her face, much like how Mugi's favourite teacup featured her own face. Mio frowned at the fact that her caricature had the facial expression she made whenever she was scared, usually by Ritsu and more recently by Kentaro.

Mio's stomach chose that exact moment to make its emptiness known to the world when an odd gurgling sound filled the room. Mio then realised that she had not eaten anything in the three days that she had been comatose thanks to Kentaro's painting. Said artist picked up on his reluctant friend's plight.

"Mio-chan, if you're hungry den you can have my lunch." Kentaro left Mio with no time to respond as he bounded back to the closet and emerged with his school bag. "I've got Prungles, milk and a banana. Enjoy!" Kentaro said as he handed the foodstuffs to Mio.

"Thank you Kentaro." Mio said as she unpeeled the banana. "Better than nothing I guess..." Mio started eating the three food products given to her by Kentaro. Mio wondered if Kentaro ate the same three kinds of food for every meal. It certainly was not healthy for someone to sustain themselves on chips, milk and bananas for extended periods of time.

Kentaro was happy that he could help Mio, he did like her the most after all. With a nod of understanding, Kentaro picked up a teacup that lacked the face of a member of Hokago Tea Time and returned to the depths of his storage closet turned painting studio.

As Mio ate Kentaro's lunch, which was her first source of sustenance in three days, Ritsu noticed that Takumi was the only person in the room not eating. Instead, Takumi busied himself by playing a piece on the piano that reminded Ritsu of an old silent film she watched at some point in the past. Ritsu's reminiscing of classical cinema was brought to a halt as the club room door opened and a lethargic looking Sawako let herself into the club room. Ritsu was the first to commentate on her teacher's haggard appearance.

"Hey Sawachan! How was your 'talk' with the slender man?" Ritsu asked with a smug grin on her face, remembering how Kentaro had set his own teacher against Sawako. Sawako glared at Ritsu and sat down for a cup of tea, courtesy of the ever delightful Mugi.

"Shut up. Just let me drink." Sawako growled as she took a sip of some chamomile tea. Sometimes it seemed as if only Mugi's tea could ever bring solace to the friendless teacher's mind and soul. The gentle yet sophisticated music coming from the piano also helped. Ritsu however, was not yet satisfied.

"Come on Sawachan! Tell us what happened." Ritsu whined, knowing that her teacher would cave in if she pestered her enough. "You know I'm not going to stop bothering you about it until you do." Ritsu was walking a fine line. Her goal was to annoy her teacher to the point that she would get what she wanted, but not so much that it would result in Sawako lashing out at the nearest available target which happened to be Ritsu. Sawako, much to her chagrin, understood what Ritsu meant.

"Fine." Sawako relented. "I'll tell you if it'll shut you up for five minutes." Sawako said as she started to recount her tale from the previous Friday. "So after Kentaro walked out of the room, I was left alone with Mr Souichiro..."

* * *

_Sawako was scared. Her life was flashing before her eyes as the tall bald man walked towards her. She could remember founding her own light music club, being rejected by her first crush, creating the band Death Devil, being rejected by her crush again, her friends all leaving her after graduation, then nothing really important happened for a while until Ritsu found that damnable photograph of her from her death metal days. Not that any of that mattered at this point anyway. _

_Sawako was going to die here at the hands of Mr Souichiro. She could only imagine that he would make her death slow and painful. Even if Mr Souichiro did not kill her outright, he was sure to rob Sawako of her sole source of comfort: drinking tea in the Light Music Club room. As Mr Souichiro stood above Sawako, the only thing she could do was try to explain her side of the story as best she could._

"_M-Mr S-S-Souichiro, i-it wasn't me!" Sawako stuttered. "I'm telling you, it was Kentaro! Kentaro framed me. You've got to believe me!" She begged, hoping against all hope that Mr Souichiro would listen to her plea. Her cries fell on deaf ears as Mr Souichiro leaned down to her face in an intimidating manner._

"_**You treat this club room as your home, drink tea when you should be on duty, draw on my face while I'm sleeping, and now you have the gall to pin this on one of MY students?**" Mr Souichiro said in his monotonous yet intimidating voice. Sawako closed her eyes and held her breath as she awaited the thin man's unwarranted retribution. She could feel his breath on her face as he spoke._

"_**Relax. I'm just messing with you.**" Mr Souichiro then straightened up and stepped away from Sawako. Sawako opened her eyes and released her breath in astonishment as Mr Souichiro wiped the graffiti from his face with a handkerchief. _

"_Huh?" Sawako uttered, confused at Mr Souichiro's sudden change of behaviour. She was certain that Mr Souichiro would exact some form of revenge on her despite her innocence. "You mean, you're not going to kill me?" Mr Souichiro turned to Sawako, face now clean of white board marker._

"_**Sawako, there are exactly three things in this world that I hate; liars, delinquents and Kentaro. You are none of these." **Mr Souichiro explained. "**Do you really think that this is the first time Kentaro has done something like this?**" He asked her._

_Sawako was speechless. The mood in the room had changed so suddenly and so frequently today. The the experience had taught her to never take anyone from Tsubaki High School at face value, whether they are students or teachers. Sawako lightly shook her head to answer Mr Souichiro's question._

"_**Good. I'm glad we can come to an agreement. Besides, if I got rid of you, your replacement might stop me from sleeping on the job with the Hobby Club.**" Mr Souichiro droned as he walked out of the room, leaving the shaken Sawako in his wake. "**And by the way. Nice to meet you.**" He added before closing the door._

* * *

"...And that's what happened." Sawako said as she finished her tale for Ritsu. She took another sip of tea, hoping to soothe the throbbing pain in her head with one of Mugi's delights. Ritsu on the other hand, still had questions that needed to be answered.

"Wait, if Souichiro didn't do anything to you then why do you look so worn out?" Ritsu asked, wondering how Sawako managed to look so terrible three days after her encounter with Mr Souichiro. Sawako place her teacup down before elaborating.

"Last night I was out drinking." Sawako explained. "This is my hangover." She said as another stroke of pain shot through her head. Ritsu grinned, having deduced a way to tease her teacher for drinking.

"Still drowning your sorrows because you don't have any friends?" Ritsu asked in a teasing voice. It wasn't just Mio that Ritsu liked to torment. Anyone who walked into her club room was fair game as far as Ritsu was concerned. Sawako was having none of it.

"Shut up. I need peace and quiet or my head will burst open." Sawako snapped while rubbing her temples. It seemed as if her headache was only getting worse around Ritsu. Said loud girl held her hands up in a placating manner.

"Calm down, Sawachan. It's not like any of us would take advantage of your hangover and try to be as loud as possible." Ritsu reasoned. She fully knew when it was appropriate to stop teasing Sawako for fear of retaliation. As if on cue, the door to the club room's storage closet and a familiar boy stepped out, holding a teacup.

"RICCHAN! HEY! RICCHAN! YOUR TEACUP IS READY!" Kentaro yelled at the top of his lungs, much to Sawako's dismay. "Oh hey, Sawachan's here. HEY! SAWACHAN! How are you today?" Kentaro asked innocently, or as innocently as Kentaro can be. He handed the now painted teacup to its owner as Sawako buried her face in her hands.

"Hate you. Hate you all." Sawako growled through gritted teeth, cursing the world for her current predicament. Ritsu on the other hand was quite amused as she laughed, adding to Sawako's pain.

"Hahaha! Never a dull moment with you around, Kentaro." Ritsu exclaimed to her partner in crime. She was impressed by Kentaro's timing, she could not have done a better job causing Sawako pain herself. Kentaro noticed that someone in the room was not partaking of the tea, aside from himself of course.

"Hey Takkun! Have you tried some of Mugi-chan's tea yet?" Kentaro said to his underling while pouring him a cup. Takumi did not even stop playing on the piano to respond.

"Fuck off." was his response. Takumi did not want to end up neglecting his piano skills by procrastinating and having merry tea parties in the same manner as the Boy Band Club he detested so much. Kentaro on the other hand, was having none of it.

"Come on, Takkun. Some chamomile will cure your grumpies." Kentaro chimed as he bounded over to Kentaro with the teacup in hand. Unfortunately, the tea did not reach its destination as Kentaro tripped and the tea exited the teacup. "Oops. Clumsy me!" Kentaro said as the tea landed on Takumi's face.

It was at this point that Takumi and indeed everyone else in the room learned a very valuable life lesson about scalding hot tea and what happens when it is splashed on one's face. A life lesson, that they would pass on to their children and their children's children. It really, REALLY hurts.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Takumi screamed as fell to the floor, clutching his wet face in his hands. The school stood still as Takumi's outburst reverberated throughout the hallways of Sakura High School. Everyone was utterly shocked at the sudden shout of profanity that came from the dark haired pianist.

"Kentaro you crazy bastard I'm gonna fucking murder you!" Takumi shouted as he stood back up with murder in his eye that was not covered by his fringe. Kentaro nervously laughed and placed the teacup that had miraculously survived the fall, back on the table.

"And dat's my cue to leave." Kentaro said as he started to run out of the club room, only to collapse in front on the door as his stomach rumbled. Yui was the first to question the situation.

"Why isn't Kenkun running away?" Yui asked her friends as Takumi closed in on Kentaro. It was Mugi who was the first to realise what was wrong with the painter.

"Ah! I get it. Kentaro has no energy to run because he gave his lunch to Mio." Mugi explained to Yui as Takumi joined Kentaro on the ground, stomach rumbling as well.

"Ah fuck it. I'll beat you up later." He said in a dismissive tone as he lay still on the floor next to Kentaro. Yui was confused at this situation as well and turned to Mugi for help once more.

"Why isn't Takkun punching Kenkun, Mugi-chan?" Yui asked Mugi, who stroked her chin in deep thought, unable to answer. Then Ritsu remembered that Takumi was playing on his piano while everyone else was eating.

"Takumi's on the ground because he didn't have lunch either." Ritsu concluded for Yui, who had run out of questions to ask about the given situation. Meanwhile the two boys were making the most of their predicament.

"Hey Takkun. Da floor is nice and cool." Kentaro noted as the pain in his belly intensified. Takumi could barely muster any energy to respond.

"Sure is." Takumi agreed as he tried to get more comfortable on the wooden floor boards, due to the pain in his ribs. Kentaro did the same.

"So hungry. Maybe if I take a nap I won't feel hungry any more" Kentaro wondered as the world around him started to get dark. The pain in his stomach persisted but soon he stopped caring about it when consciousness left him. Takumi underwent a similar process.

"Sounds like a plan." Takumi said as his mind faded from the waking world along with Kentaro's. Soon, the room could hear the gentle snoring of the two members of the Hobby Club. Azusa was the first to comment on the situation.

"...What did I just watch?" Azusa asked no one in particular. It seemed that what little sanity was left in the club room was quickly being drained away by the Hobby Club. Her question was left unanswered as Mugi gave her thoughts on the recent events.

"This club room has been getting more and more lively since the boys arrived." Mugi commented, absolutely delighted at the new and wonderful experiences that the Hobby Club members have brought with them. Mugi's statement caused Azusa to realise something that terrified her to her core.

"I just had a horrifying thought." Azusa said out loud to her friends and Sawako. This peaked Ritsu's interests.

"What?" Ritsu asked, wanting to hear what horrifying thought Azusa just conceived just in case it could be used against Mio.

"Kentaro's club has more members." Azusa elaborated, clearly fearing that more people like Kentaro and Takumi would be on their way to their club room in the following days. Ritsu found that hard to swallow.

"Come on Azusa. What are the chances that they'll be anything like these two?" Ritsu dismissed, doubting that whoever came next could top the mad artist or the irate pianist. Sawako chose that moment to slam her head on the table.

"All of you. Shut up and go to class." Sawako growled, her headache only getting worse the longer she was in the club room. The girls all exited the room and left the Hobby Club members where they lay on the floor.

* * *

**Next time on A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic:**

**Chapter 3: Mugi and Dungeons and Drakes  
**


	3. Mugi and Dungeons and Drakes

A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic

A psychological thriller that explores the questions of life and destiny.

Disclaimer: K-On! Belongs to Kakifly and KyoAni.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Mugi and Dungeons and Drakes**

Mugi loved new experiences. There were days in Mugi's past when she would eagerly await her maid and friend Sumire's return from shopping and bring back curiosities that Mugi treasured. From deep fried foods to yuri manga, Mugi loved all of it. It was the very reason that she even joined the Light Music Club instead of the Choir Club.

Since joining the Light Music Club, Mugi had seen, heard and even tasted things that she would never had dreamed of. Whether it be seeing Sawako force Mio into a maid outfit, riding in the front seat of a car for once or simply eating fried noodles, Mugi loved it all. Though she never got the chance to feel what it was like to get hit by a friend.

By far the most important thing Mugi had experienced was having actual friends. Truth be told, apart from Sumire, Mugi did not know anyone else in her age group. Mugi hypothesised that other girls were intimidated by her family's wealth and influence.

Even worse, there were times when Mugi feared that the rest of the club were only friends with her _because_ of said wealth. However, such thoughts were quickly extinguished by the reassurance of said friends: they were her friend because of her tea instead. Mugi could live with that.

Another new experience that Mugi had recently discovered was observing and interacting with the new arrivals from the Hobby Club. In the short time she had known them, both boys had left their impression on Mugi. Kentaro, with his odd yet fascinating mannerisms. Takumi, with his brooding nature that belies a hidden musical talent. The most anticipated part about the arrangement for Mugi was that another Hobby Club member was due to arrive.

Mugi had fun on the way to school imagining what the third Hobby Club member would be like. Her hope was that the newest arrival would complete the Freudian Trio between the whimsical Kentaro and the irate Takumi. Those two foils to each other needed a balance, the Ego as it were. Such thoughts filled Mugi's head as she approached the front gate of the school, where she was greeted by a blond Tsubaki student.

"Aha! Top of the morning to you, my fair lady." The boy greeted jovially while tipping an imaginary hat on his head. Mugi was very amused by this.

"Why good morning to you too, good sir." Mugi greeted back in kind with a small curtsey, playing along with him. "What may I do for you on this fine day?" She asked.

"My fair lady," The boy began, "if it would not be too impertinent of me, I would postulate a minuscule favour of you?" He asked as a smile graced his face. "I certainly hope that you will not acquiesce." He added as his smile grew wider. Mugi was a bit confused as he used the word 'acquiesce' wrong in that sentence but decided to accept anyway.

"I don't see why not." Mugi said as the boy straightened himself up and adjusted his belt strap tie.

"Capital! Most concordant, if I do say so myself!" He exclaimed. "You see, my fair lady, I would be most appreciative if you would be so kind as to direct me to the room of the Light Music Club."

"Ah, what a coincidence! I'm a member of the Light Music Club." Mugi informed him. There was only one reason why a Tsubaki student would ask that question. "Are you from the Hobby Club?"

"It's absolutely splendid that you are just who I've been searching for. Doubly fortunate that you know of my intentions." The boy confirmed for her. "If it would not be too intrusive of me, may I ask you your name, seeing as we will undoubtedly be seeing more of each other in future, my fair lady?" He asked Mugi, who giggled.

"Such a gentleman." Mugi mused before introducing herself. "My name is Tsumugi Kotobuki, but you may just call me Mugi." She informed him. "Now good sir, would you be so kind as to tell me your name?" Mugi asked curiously.

"My sincere apologies for not enlightening you sooner, my fair lady." He quickly apologised before placing his hand to his heart in a dramatic fashion. "I am Ryoji the Handsome, Games Master and Vice President of the Tsubaki High School Hobby Club." Ryoji declared with pride. "It is a salubrious pleasure to meet you, my fair lady." He finished with an elaborate bow. Again, Mugi was confused as that was not how the word 'salubrious' was meant to be used but decided to play along anyway.

"And it's nice to meet you too, Ryoji." Mugi returned his bow with another small curtsey. "Let's get going, shall we?" Mugi suggested holding her arm out for him.

"Yes, by all means let's. Lead the way, my fair lady." Ryoji replied, linking their arms together. Mugi led Ryoji through the halls of her school, recounting to him the goings on in her school since Kentaro and Takumi showed up to their club room.

"And then Kentaro tripped and the tea went flying into Takumi's face. Now, because Kentaro gave his lunch to Mio he fell down on the floor and went to sleep." Mugi finished her tale to the Games Master who laughed boisterously.

"Ha! That is precisely what my good president would do in that situation." Ryoji mused as the pair reached the door to the Light Music Club room. "Ladies first." Ryoji said politely, opening the door for Mugi. As she stepped in she saw Mio conversing with Kentaro at the table over a can of Prungles.

"Remember Mio, if you hear someding moving drew da vents, it's me." Kentaro informed his unwilling crush, who was understandably confused by his statement. Kentaro held the Pungles can out for Mio in offering, who politely declined the snacks. Kentaro simply shrugged and continued eating.

"Kentaro, why would you be in the vents?" Mio asked. It was a legitimate question. Kentaro swallowed another chip, finishing the Prungles before answering Mio.

"I find myself in vents sometimes." Kentaro flatly answered. "I'm using dem to explore dis place secretly." He elaborated as he placed the empty can down. "Dey are a lot dustier den in video games, by da way." He added with a raised eyebrow as Mio tried in vain to make sense of the Mad Artist's mind.

"...I'm not even going to ask." Mio concluded, hoping to preserve what was left of her sanity. At that point, Ryoji decided to make his presence known to the dysfunctional couple.

"Lo and behold!" Ryoji shouted, grabbing Mio and Kentaro's attention. "My good president, 'tis I: Ryoji the Handsome." He declared, arms spread wide.

"The handsome?" Mio muttered under her breath sceptically. Not too long ago, Mio was dreading what the third hobbyist was going to be like. Judging from his somewhat narcissistic introduction, this 'Ryoji the Handsome' was another wild card in the pile.

She noted that Ryoji wore his straitjacket properly, unlike Kentaro or Takumi. It fit the Games Master perfectly with all the buckles done up and not a single wrinkle visible, matching Ryoji's neatly combed blond hair. However, Mio could not help but stare at Ryoji's unusually long banana-like nose. It was Kentaro that shook Mio from her musings.

"I'm still going to call you Ryoji da Liar." Kentaro informed his second in command flatly.

"And I'm still gonna call you Ryoji the idiot who will never get the fuck out of my face." Takumi added as he walked into the club room. Ryoji turned to face his fellow club member, who ignored him.

"How eponymous. You hurt me with your spiteful words, my dear Takumi." Ryoji stated melodramatically and placed a hand on Takumi's shoulder as he sat down by the Piano.

"I'm going to hurt you with my fists if you don't take your hand off me." Takumi threatened, glaring at Ryoji with one eye, as the other eye was obscured by his fringe. "Also, that's not how you use the word 'eponymous.'" Takumi added after processing Ryoji's grammar.

Ryoji wisely decided to back away as Takumi uncovered the piano's keyboard and started to play in low key. Ryoji instead chose to introduce himself to Mio, who was still seated next to Kentaro and looking at him with apprehension on her face.

"Hmm. Long black hair, a frightened face and seated with my good president..." Ryoji mused with a smile as he took a seat across from the two. "You must be the infamous Miss Akiyama. My fair lady Mugi tells me that you happen to be the maiden that my good president is so smitten with, no?" He asked her with a slight cock of his head.

"..Yes" Mio said cautiously. There was no telling what Ryoji would do. After seeing what Kentaro did to her psyche and how volatile Takumi was, one could hardly blame Mio for being careful. To her relief, Ryoji simply smiled warmly.

"Well, I for one wish you all the luck in the world on your future endeavours with my good president." Ryoji stated plainly before leaning in towards her. "You will most certainly need it for dealing with someone as... let's say unparalleled, as my good president." He added quietly so that only Mio could hear him. Mio could only sigh in surrender. Mio's mood was lifted somewhat when Mugi placed a cup of Ceylon tea in front of her.

"Ryoji, you said that you were the Games Master of your club. What does that mean exactly?" Mugi piped up, hoping to start a conversation with him and satisfy her curiosity. Ryoji for his part positively beamed at the question.

"I am quite simply ecstatic over your inquiry, my fair lady." Ryoji all but gushed, it was very rarely that he was able to speak about his beloved games and rarer still when someone else takes an interest. "You see, my fair lady, my role in this fine club is to organise sessions for my role playing games." Ryoji explained. Upon seeing Mugi and Mio's confusion at his statement he decided to elaborate.

"A role playing game, in layman's terms, is a story told by the Games Master. In this case the Games Master is myself." Ryoji elaborated as he took a small bag from his pocket. "The player characters, in this case you, make decisions within that story and we roll dice to see if you are successful or not." He finished as he emptied the bag, revealing a varied assortment of dice of all shapes and colours. Mugi had never seen so many different kinds of dice in all her life.

"Ryoji, may we play that game sometime soon?" Mugi asked, completely enthralled by the idea. Playing games with her friends was sure to bring many of the new and memorable experiences that she enjoyed so much.

"What a resplendent idea! I would be delighted if the Light Music Club would join us for a role playing session." Ryoji declared with joy as Ritsu, Yui and Azusa walked in through the club room door.

"Morning all, did we miss anything?" Ritsu asked the current occupants of the club room. Ryoji simply smiled.

* * *

Ryoji had given each other person in the room a some dice and a blank character sheet for his role playing game. Some, like Takumi, Mio and Azusa quickly took to character creation, becoming a Cleric, Brawler and Thief respectively. Others on the other hand...

"Okay Miss Tainaka, just take the results of the d10, add ten if the d6 result is between four and five, add it to your constitution then subtract your trait penalty and you have your survival skills rating." Ryoji explained to Ritsu, pointing to each respective statistic on her character sheet. "See? Simple."

"No one told me there'd be math..." Ritsu muttered as she wrote down the results of her less than impressive rolls.

"My apologies, Miss Tainaka. I only brought three d20s with me today." Ryoji had to make do with improvising a twenty sided die with a ten sided die and a six sided die for Ritsu. "Now that that's out of the way, I can now tell you your character class. Seeing as your dexterity statistic is the only one above five, I think you would be best suited for the Ranger class." Ryoji stated calmly as Ritsu simply nodded.

"You mean I get to use a bow? Cool." Ritsu said as she joined Mio, Takumi and Azusa in waiting for the others to finish rolling up characters. Ryoji then moved over to where Mugi was sitting, having just finished rolling up a new character.

"My goodness, my fair lady. You rolled eighteen for everything. Bravo." Ryoji commented to Mugi over her perfect character statistics. The rest of the Light Music Club knew about Mugi's notoriously good luck. It seemed that whenever chance was involved, fortune always favoured Mugi.

"What does that mean, Ryoji." She asked, curious as to what her natural luck had in store for her.

"Well, seeing as I've assigned character classes based on your stats rolled, you may choose which class you want to play as." Ryoji explained as he placed his rulebook in front of Mugi. "Now, which class peaks your interest, might I ask?" He asked pointing to the character class section of the Dungeons and Drakes Rulebook. Mugi thought hard before giving her response.

"I'll think about it." Mugi stated while reading class descriptions and trying to decide which one was best for her. Ryoji understood her hesitation.

"Very well. I will ask you again after I help the others." Ryoji told Mugi before moving on to Yui and Kentaro.

"Ah, Miss Hirasawa. That's quite the charisma you've rolled for yourself. Your other stats aren't too shabby either. I think that the Bard class would be best for you." Ryoji informed her.

"Ooh. What does a Bard do?" Yui asked, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Put simply, you play music on a guitar and it makes everyone else fight better." Ryoji explained for her. Yui's eyes lit up with joy after hearing the part about music.

"Hooray!" Yui cried happily. "Gitah! Come over here. We can role play together!" Yui exclaimed while reaching for her beloved instrument. She imagined herself wearing a cape and wide-brimmed hat (plus a feather) while holding her dear Gitah. Ryoji

"As Games Master of this fine club, it is my elaborative duty in and of knowledge." Ryoji responded to no one in particular, his statement confusing everyone in the room who had a proper grasp of descriptive linguistics.

"Ryoji that's not a fucking sentence." Takumi interjected, once again disapproving of his not-friend's dissection of the language. Ryoji chose once more to ignore his dear Takumi as he leaned over to the only person still rolling dice.

"Finished Ryoji." Kentaro said as he presented his character sheet to his vice president. Ryoji let out a small chuckle after

"Ah, my good president. Let us see what you have this period of time." Ryoji said. "Incredulous. You rolled an eighteen for intelligence and wisdom. Oh the irony. It's almost comparable to my own intellect." He added smugly. Kentaro was not amused.

"Ryoji, stop lying. I scored da highest on dat IQ test out of all dree of us. You got da lowest score." Kentaro rebuked. "Takkun was nice and comfy in da middle." Kentaro finished with an all-knowing nod. The Light Music Club (save for Yui, who expected as much from her newest friend) looked at Kentaro in a mixture of confusion and horror over what he had just said.

"Wait. The smartest guy in your club is _Kentaro_?" Mio exclaimed in shock. She never would have guessed that the person with the highest IQ in the Hobby Club was the same boy who had been driving her to the brink of insanity over these past few days. Kentaro decided to elaborate further on his statement.

"I am book smart, Takkun is regular smart and Ryoji is not smart." Kentaro explained, gesturing to each person as he mentioned their names. Mio was not reassured by the Mad Artist's statement.

"How horrifying." Mio said, utterly dejected at this turn of events. Takumi shared her opinion, though his was much more rage filled.

"You have no fucking idea how god damn pissed off I was when I found out that this-" Takumi gestured to Kentaro, who waved. "-was smarter than me." Takumi said, his right eye narrowed in rage (the other eye was still obscured by his black fringe).

"Den again Takkun, it's hard to imagine you not angry at someding." Kentaro mused as he stroked his chin with his sleeve covered hand. Takumi was not amused.

"Fuck off." Takumi snapped, unwittingly proving his club president right.

"Back to the matter at hand." Ryoji interjected, hoping to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand. "My good president, I find that the best course of action is to make you a wizard." Ryoji informed the Mad Artist, who nodded in agreement.

"Awesome." Kentaro stated plainly, imagining himself wearing a robe and a pointy hat. This image pleased the president of the Hobby Club.

"So very glad that you find this acceptable." Ryoji said, hoping to move on. "My fair lady, have you come to a decision yet?" He asked her, now that he was done with Yui and Kentaro. Mugi looked up from the rulebook in front of her to respond to the Games Master.

"I like the idea of being a wizard." Mugi decided. The decision was not an easy one to make. She wanted a character class that would be the most fun and memorable, and the wizard class seemed to fit the bill.

"Very well then, it shall be done my fair lady." Ryoji declared with joy before sitting down at the table. Now that character creation was out of the way, they could finally get to role playing.

"You're a wizard, Mugi!" Yui exclaimed with joy, Kentaro nodding in agreement. Mugi simply giggled to herself at the attention she was receiving from the two. Ryoji cleared his throat to grab everyone's attention.

"Is everybody ready?" He asked the player characters, who all nodded in affirmation. "Then let's get to role playing!" He declared dramatically with his arms outstretched.

* * *

"Hail and well met. I am your humble storyteller, Ryoji the Handsome. Here to take you on a fantastical journey through the realms of fantasy." Ryoji said while waving his hands in a dramatic fashion, drawing in everyone's full attention.

"Shouldn't there be something other than paper sheets and dice in front of us?" Ritsu asked, a bit sceptical as to how the game was supposed to run without anything to look at.

"No, this adventure will play out entirely in the theatre of the mind." Ryoji informed her before continuing. "You all play the role of brave adventurers who have been hired by the Noble Lord Incognito for promises of great wealth in exchange for your skills. You are currently inside Lord Incognito's castle, his conference room to be more specific. The room is dimly lit by the candles on the chandelier. Lord Incognito sits at the head of the table and motions for you to sit down at the table with him."

"Okay. We do that" Mio said, the scene unfolding in their collective minds. Ryoji nodded and continued with his description of the scene.

"After you have all been seated, the Noble Lord Incognito finally speaks. His voice is clear but firm, catching your full attention, 'My family treasure is locked away in Castle McGuffin. Unfortunately the only way to reach Castle McGuffin is through the sewers Don't you worry: the sewers are completely deserted. You will get paid when the job is done, in addition to any other treasure you find along the way.' The faintest trace of a smile disappears as quickly as it appeared, 'Now off you go. I have work to do' He finishes and waves you out the door." Ryoji described to the party. Kentaro did not approve of this turn of events.

"No! Not da sewer level!" Kentaro cried, clutching his face in despair. He was not alone.

"No! Not a fucking fetch quest!" Takumi growled in frustration, face buried in his palm. Ryoji ignored the two's whining and spoke to the Light Music Club instead.

"Miss Tainaka. What do you do this turn?" He asked the president of the Light Music Club. Ritsu was somewhat taken aback by the question, unsure of the answer.

"What can I do?" Ritsu asked, still not grasping the concept of role playing games. Ryoji simply stared at her before responding.

"You tell me." Ryoji stated plainly. This did not help Ritsu one bit.

"Is there a list of stuff I can choose from?" She asked, still unsure as to what the Games Master was asking of her. Ryoji had enough.

"Miss Tainaka, you're slowing things down. Miss Nakano, what do you do this turn?" Ryoji asked the secondary guitarist of the Light Music Club. Azusa was caught off guard by the sudden shift to her but recovered quickly.

"Um. Okay. Everyone, let's go to the sewers and get this job done."

"Cool." Kentaro stated plainly, having gotten over his apprehension of sewers for the time being. "Does anyone know how to get to da sewers?" Kentaro asked. Mio shrugged.

"I assume we just open up a manhole and jump in." Mio suggested. "Ryoji, are there any manholes nearby?" She asked the Games Master, who nodded.

"You see a manhole not too far from Castle Incognito's gates." Ryoji informed the party. Mio nodded in return before responding.

"Good. We open it up and climb down." Mio said, following through with what Ryoji had just told the party.

"Before you, apart from the stench of a city's worth of excrement, is a long and narrow corridor that stretches through the darkness behind you and in front of you." The Games Master described for his players. "I think it would be best to tell each other your characters' back stories while you make your way through the sewers. Just fabricate one, anything goes in this game." He added, hoping to get some role playing while the group travelled. Yui was the first to speak up.

"Kenkun and I are part of a show. I play music with Gitah and he uses magic light effects." Yui said, fondly stroking her beloved Les Paul.

"Awesome." Kentaro agreed. "I am a wizard. I have a pointy hat." He added, mostly for himself. Mugi was next in line. "Mugi, what about your character?"

"I am a good witch. I came here to make friends and have adventures" Mugi informed the rest of the party, projecting quite a lot of herself into her character.

"That's our Mugi!" Yui exclaimed with everyone else nodding in agreement before turning to Ritsu. "Ricchan! Your turn." Unlike before, Ritsu was ready to role playing after observing Azusa and Yui.

"I'm partners with Mio; she punches, I shoot." Ritsu explained quickly, putting Mio in the spotlight somewhat.

"Makes sense, at least..." Mio muttered to herself. She turned to her junior Azusa. "What about you, Azusa?" Azusa closed her eyes to contemplate, then after a few seconds she looked up with an answer ready.

"I'm a thief trying to raise money to buy medicine for my sick grandmother." Azusa said to her friends. Unknown to Azusa, she was very capable of unintentionally gaining the sympathy of those around her. The effect was immediate on Yui.

"Aw, Azunyan. I had no idea!" Yui cried out with tears in her eyes. "When this is over, you can have my share of the money." She comforted Azusa for her imaginary plight. She was not alone in extending her sympathy for the secondary guitarist.

"Yeah, you can have mine too." Kentaro agreed. Even Mugi and Ritsu were nodding in agreement. Takumi on the other hand was not amused.

"What's with the over reaction? You two realise that none of this is real, right?" Takumi asked, his voice dripping with contempt for his fellows. Kentaro merely shrugged.

"Of course, Takkun. Yui and I are just staying in character." Kentaro explained to his largest minion with a dismissive wave of the hand. "What about you, Takkun?" He asked.

"Me? I'm a cleric that doesn't play by the rules. I'm just taking this job to pay the bills." Takumi explained with his usual raspy voice. "Just warning everyone of you right now: if any of you piss me off, then I'm not healing you. I'm looking at you, Kentaro." He said, single eye narrowing on the Mad Artist. "I know for a fact your wizard ain't got shit for hit points." Takumi finished with his perpetual frown on his face. Kentaro just stared at Takumi, contemplating the ultimatum placed before him.

"I'll keep dat in mind." Kentaro said simply. His face was unreadable, unintentionally unnerving Takumi as he struggled to predict what Kentaro was planning. Ryoji coughed to catch everyone's attention as he rolled a four sided die. Upon seeing a result of three Ryoji knew which monster to send their way.

"Up ahead of you see a large, green cube of slime advancing on your location. It is so wide that it fills in the entire corridor of the sewer that it moves through and within it are the floating bones of its victims." Ryoji described to the players. Mio covered her ears and closed her eyes at the mention of bones. Takumi was the first to comment on the situation.

"Deserted sewer my ass!" Takumi yelled, remembering what Ryoji as Lord Incognito had told them prior to going down the sewers.

"By the way my fair lady, you can roll your intelligence stat to identify the creature." Ryoji mentioned to Mugi. "Twenty sided die." He elaborated further.

"Okay. I try to identify the gelatinous cube." Mugi informed the Games Master as she rolled a d20.

"You successfully identify the gelatinous cube as a gelatinous cube." Ryoji informed the absent minded heiress. "Though, considering how high your Intelligence stat is it wouldn't have mattered what you rolled." Ryoji muttered to himself.

"How the hell do you kill a gelatinous cube?" Mio asked no one in particular, unsure as to how her fists would have any impact on the slimy cube. Ritsu on the other hand, decided to take action.

"I fire an arrow at it." Ritsu said while rolling a die. When Ryoji saw the result, he was not impressed.

"You miss." Ryoji informed Ritsu plainly. "Even if you hit, your arrows would not do you any good. It is made of slime after all." He added for Ritsu. Kentaro grabbed some dice of the table in his sleeve covered hand.

"I cast Grease on da gelatinous cube, den I cast Burning Hands on da greasy cube." Kentaro declared as he rolled a handful of dice. Upon seeing the results of the rolls Ryoji was mildly amused.

"The Gelatinous Cube is ignited in flames and melts into steaming sludge." Ryoji said to Kentaro, accepting his defeat for now. "I will assume that you use the rest of your turn putting out the fire?" Kentaro nodded. "How cromulent." Ryoji finished.

"That's not even a fucking word." Takumi growled at Ryoji "Anyway guys, playing make believe is fun and shit, but school's about to start." Takumi said as he stood up to walk to class. The others followed suite as Ryoji packed away his dice into his dice bag.

"Okay, we'll resume this deletable game afterwards." Ryoji declared for everyone as they started to walk out of the club room.

"That's not how you use the word deletable!" Takumi yelled at the Games Master from outside the door.

* * *

"Fuck physics. Fuck this school. Fuck Kentaro." Takumi growled as he walked back into the club room during the break. The Light Music Club was already in the middle of their game along with Ryoji and Kentaro.

"What took you so long?" Ritsu asked somewhat impatiently. She had been looking forward to continuing their role play session now that she understood what to do. Takumi immediately glared at the president of the Light Music Club.

"Don't ask!" Takumi snapped at Ritsu, who jumped a little in shock at the volume of his voice. Ryoji did his best to diffuse the situation by coughing to grab everyone's attention.

"Now that you have reached Castle McGuffin, we can continue." Ryoji said as Takumi took a seat between him and Azusa. "My dear Takumi, here's a summary of what happened in your absence; you left the sewers, found the castle and now you are in a chamber with a treasure chest in the middle." Ryoji explained to Takumi, who nodded. Ritsu was the first to act.

"I go over to the chest and open it." Ritsu said as Takumi's only exposed eye widened when he noticed Ryoji rolling a four-sided die.

"No Ritsu don't-" It was too late. Ryoji grinned evilly as he saw the result of a two on the d4. He turned to Ritsu with a malicious chuckle.

"As you touch the chest, a pseudopod emerges from the side of the chest and ensnares you." The Games Master informed the president of the Light Music Club. "You can roll your dexterity to try and escape, Miss Tainaka." He added, having something of a sense of fair play. Ritsu rolled the d10 and d6 in front of her in response.

"How's that?" Ritsu asked, unsure of what the numbers meant. Ryoji's smile grew even wider upon seeing the abysmal result.

"Too bad for you, Miss Tainaka. Not only do you fail to escape the creature's grasp: but your struggling causes the creature to tighten it's tentacled grip on you." Ryoji informed her, absolutely revelling in her misfortune. "You are not escaping any time soon, Miss Tainaka." Ryoji finished as Kentaro shifted uncomfortably in his seat next to Yui and Mugi.

"I've seen enough hentai to know where dis is going..." Kentaro muttered. Mio looked at Kentaro with equal parts confusion and apprehension.

"Kentaro, what do you-" That was as far as Mio got before realisation dawned on her and her confusion and apprehension turned to pure horror. "I don't wanna think about it. I don't wanna think about it. I don't wanna think about it." Mio chanted to herself as she tried to banish the thoughts that her 'boyfriend' unintentionally put in her head. Kentaro took it upon himself to follow through with the scare in Ritsu's place, seeing as Ritsu was preoccupied with imaginary tentacles.

"Mio, when da tentacle ding is done wid Ricchan it's coming for you." Kentaro said to his reluctant girlfriend, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Mio responded by covering her ears and screaming. "Someone had to do it." He finished, upon seeing Azusa's glare. Mugi meanwhile looked up with determination in her eyes.

"I try to identify the creature mimicking the chest" Mugi declared as she rolled a twenty-sided die. Ryoji looked at the result and nodded.

"You successfully identify the creature mimicking the chest as a Mimic." Ryoji informed her, for all the good that it would do the party. Mio decided at that moment to aid her childhood friend, having recovered from the mental images that Kentaro put in her head.

"I run over to the mimic and punch it repeatedly while wearing my brass knuckles." Mio said to Ryoji, rolling two eight-sided dice for her attack. She had succeeded both rolls.

"You successfully punch the Mimic twice, leaving visible damage on the creature." Ryoji informed the club's resident shrinking violet. Azusa joined the fight as well.

"I get behind the Mimic and back stab it." Azusa said, rolling a six-sided die.

"You gain a damage bonus from flanking the Mimic." Ryoji informed her before looked to see the successful results. "And it looks like you do more damage than Mio. Good show, Miss Nakano." Mugi's turn was next.

"I cast Binding on the Mimic so that it can't run away." Mugi told the Games Master, rolling her dice. Ryoji saw that it was a critical success.

"Your spell binds the Mimic in place." Ryoji informed Mugi before turning to Takumi. "What do you do this turn, my dear Takumi?" Takumi simply folded his arms before responding.

"I stand off to the side and wait for one of them to get injured so I can heal them." The Irate Pianist stated, his entire battle plan thought out already. Ritsu was having none of it.

"You mind joining in the fight next time, Takumi?" Ritsu asked sarcastically to Takumi. Takumi just gave his usual glare before responding.

"Fuck off. My character hasn't got shit for combat skills. All my cleric can do is heal and cast Turn Undead. So unless we run into a horde of skeletons, I can't help." Takumi informed Ritsu, glaring at her the entire time with his single visible eye. Yui took it upon herself to diffuse the tension.

"While Mio is fighting, Kenkun and I drag Ricchan away from the chest-thingy." Yui said, wanting to save her friend. Said friend was still upset about being caught off guard by the Mimic.

"I shoot an arrow at the Mimic." Ritsu said, wishing to avenge her broken pride after being attacked by the Mimic. Sure, in hindsight it was impulsive of her to open the chest straight away but with with no risk there is no gain. Ritsu rolled her d6 and d10 to represent her shooting an arrow. She did not succeed.

"You miss the Mimic." Ryoji informed her upon seeing the low result. He momentarily wondered if Ritsu's hair band was secretly a cursed artefact from a time immemorial that blessed its wearer with small misfortunes. Ritsu took the result as well as one would expect her to.

"Dammit!" Ritsu cursed, her bad luck getting the better of her once again. Ryoji rolled a ten-sided die now that the round was over. He scored a perfect ten and informed Mio of the consequences.

"The Mimic breaks free of Lady Kotobuki's magical bindings and lashes out at Miss Akiyama." Ryoji told the party as he rolled to hit for the Mimic. "You fail to dodge a tentacle. Roll your Constitution." Ryoji told Mio, who in turn rolled a twenty-sided die to represent her physical fortitude. Upon seeing the result of the roll Ryoji said, "The tentacle connects with your body but fails to do any damage.:

"Good ding you're constitution is so high, Mio." Kentaro commented to the object of his infatuation, who ignored him. Probably for the better too.

"I keep punching it." Mio said as she rolled her 2d8 again. This time the result was a perfect eight on both dice. Ryoji was impressed.

"Oh look, Miss Akiyama. You scored two critical hits." Ryoji said, somewhat astonished. "The Mimic disintegrates beneath the might of your fists raining blows upon it. Commendations." He finished, satisfied that the encounter was more engaging than the previous one.

"I knew you could do it Mio!" Kentaro complemented. "By da way Mio, if you're wondering why I didn't help out it's because I might have hit you." He informed her.

"Thanks Kentaro, I guess." Mio said to Kentaro, somewhat unsure of what to say in this situation. Ryoji rolled a four-sided die to determine the next course of action. He rolled a one.

"At the far end of the room you notice a treasure chest." Ryoji told the party, eagerly awaiting how the scene he devised in his mind was going to play out. Ritsu, being the impulsive person that she is, was the first one to speak.

"I open-" Was as far as Ritsu got before Takumi interrupted her, wary of what the Games Master had in store for them.

"Wait." Takumi snapped before turning to Azusa. "Azusa. You're a thief. Check for traps first." Takumi ordered the youngest person in the room.

"Okay, I check for traps." Azusa said before rolling a six-sided die and a ten-sided die. Ryoji paused for a moment before commenting on the results.

"You don't find any traps." Ryoji stated with a sly grin on his face. Azusa took no notice of this.

"Well, then I open the chest, of course." Azusa stated plainly.

"How do you open the chest?" Ryoji asked her, his smile widening.

"Um. Carefully?" Azusa responded, unsure of what was going on. Ryoji shook his head, still smiling.

"No. Show me how you open the chest." He ordered, clearly loving putting Azusa in the spotlight. Azusa took a mental step back in an attempt to figure out what Ryoji had planned for her.

"Hmm. He pointed it out for a reason." Azusa muttered to herself, eyes closed in concentration. Then inspiration struck her. "I check the tiles around the chest by poking them with my knife."

"Good thinking Azunyan." Yui complemented, not having thought of the possibility of treachery on Ryoji's part. Ryoji rolled his d20 to see the results of his scheme.

"A mote of flame erupts around the chest as you depress a tile in front of the chest." He informed her, his scheme laid out plainly in the open.

"I try to dodge it." Azusa said as she rolled her dice once more.

"You successfully dodge the fire trap." Ryoji told her. Azusa was not pleased by the turn of events following her trap detection.

"You said there weren't any traps!" Azusa exclaimed, annoyed that she was deceived by the Games Master. Ryoji simply shrugged as his smile subsided.

"Not exactly: I said you didn't _find_ any traps. It's a perfectly corpulent statement." Ryoji corrected Azusa with a faux-all-knowing-nod.

"That's not how you use the word 'corpulent.'" Takumi growled at Ryoji's misuse of their language. Azusa decided not to dwell on the matter any further.

"We take the Mcguffin and we leave through the front door." Azusa declared on the party's behalf. Ryoji had another trick up his sleeve.

"The front door is locked." He informed the group. "There is a riddle carved into the door: 'That was held in life-'" Was as far as he got before being interrupted by Azusa.

"I use my lock picking skills to unlock the door." Azusa said, rolling her d10 and d6. Ryoji saw the result and shook his head before continuing.

"You fail to lock pick the door. The riddle says-" Was as far as Ryoji got before being interrupted by his club's president.

"I use Magic Missile on da lock." Kentaro said, rolling his six sided die. Ryoji once more shook his head after seeing what Kentaro rolled.

"Your spell is ineffective. The riddle-" Was as far as Ryoji got before he was once more interrupted, this time by Mio.

"I punch the door to knock it down." Mio said, rolling both of her eight-sided sided dice. For the third time in the span of one minute Ryoji shook his head after seeing someone roll dice.

"The door's hinges stay strong. The-" Was as far as he got before being interrupted by Azusa once again.

"I use my lock picking skills to take out the hinges of the door." Azusa said as she rolled her dice again. Ryoji paused for a moment before nodding.

"...Okay, I'll give you that." Ryoji conceded, mentally congratulating Azusa for thinking outside of the figurative box. At that point Ryoji stood up from the table after realising how much time had passed. "I think that's a good place to stop for now. We need to go to class again." Ryoji said to the other people at the table. They then exited the room to continue on with their day.

* * *

It was the end of the school day for Sakura High School, but the Light Music Club and Hobby Club did not return home as they had unfinished business with the Games Master. Having settled down in their respective seats, the player characters awaited Ryoji's description of the game's events.

"In the middle of the road you are confronted by a hooded figure. He raises an arm and declares, 'Now foolish mortals, behold: The Beholder!'" He declared dramatically. "You see a ring of glowing eyes open in the darkness, then in the middle of the rings of eyes is one massive eye that pierces your soul. Finally, you see underneath the central eye a wide, fang-filled smile as it stares at you. It is: The Beholder!" Ryoji exclaimed loudly as Mio shuddered at the description of the creature. "The Beholder emits an ear piercing scream that severely disorients all of you. All of you get the following stat penalties-" Was as far as Ryoji got before being interrupted by Yui.

"-I use Counter Song to stop The Beholder's spell." Yui declared as she started strumming on her beloved guitar and singing Fuwa Fuwa Time. Ryoji stared in confusion for a moment or two before slapping his face in realisation.

"...Oh no. I forgot you could do that." Ryoji muttered before regaining his composure. "Well, thanks to Miss Hirasawa, you do not get the stat penalties."

"What?" Mio asked on behalf of everyone who did not read the Bard section of the rulebook.

"Counter Song allows a Bard to nullify any sound-based magic." Ryoji elaborated with a frown on his face, his plan ruined. Kentaro, in comparison was much more enthusiastic about this turn of events.

"Good job Yui!" Kentaro complemented the only person that was equal to him in insanity. Mugi on the other hand looked at her list of spells before deciding the best course of action.

"I cast sleep on The Beholder." Mugi stated, hoping to play a more active role in the fight this time as she rolled her d20. "Oh my. Does a twenty mean that I succeeded?" Mugi asked, oblivious to her critical success roll. Ryoji simply nodded numbly, his plan falling apart around him as Yui stopped playing.

"Now I use my Inspire Courage song instead." Yui said as she started to sing Don't Say Lazy with her guitar.

"While The Beholder is sleeping I punch it repeatedly." Mio told Ryoji, rolling her eight-sided dice.

"I get behind it and back stab it until it dies." Azusa stated as she rolled her dice, somewhat bored with how the fight was going.

"I fire arrows at the eyeball thing." Ritsu declared as she rolled both the d10 and d6, hoping for a hit. Ryoji snickered as he saw the result.

"You miss." Ryoji informed Ritsu, obviously amused by Ritsu's bad luck. Ritsu on the other hand was not.

"Dammit! I want to hit at least one thing before this game is over." Ritsu said, unknowingly tempting fate. "I fire another arrow." Ritsu said as she rolled her dice again. Ryoji grinned as he saw the result.

"Miss Akiyama, you take an arrow to the knee. It's a critical hit too so you do double damage. Seeing as you specialise in archery, you get triple damage. Also, since you were technically flanking Miss Akiyama you get quadruple damage. Miss Akiyama, please roll your constitution." Ryoji listed off, his amusement rising with each sentence. Takumi's eye widened as he stared at Ritsu.

"Wow Ritsu. You're a fucking beast when you actually manage to hit something." Takumi said with astonishment in his voice.

"Too bad dat it was Mio..." Kentaro muttered to himself as Ryoji saw the results of Mio's constitution roll.

"My goodness, Miss Akiyama. You failed your constitution roll and now you have to take damage. You collapse on the floor in pain, clutching your bleeding knee." Ryoji described to Mio who suddenly became frustrated with Ritsu.

"Takumi! Heal me!" Mio all but yelled at Takumi, who nodded and rolled his dice successfully. "Hey Ritsu!" Mio shouted. "I walk over to Ritsu and stab her with the arrow while saying, 'I believe this is YOURS!'"

"Ow!" Ritsu exclaimed on her character's behalf.

"I cast Ray of Frost on Da Beholder." Kentaro declared as he rolled a six-sided die. Ryoji pinched the bridge of his nose as he mentally added up the damage that the party was inflicting on The Beholder.

"Well, The Beholder dies at your combined might. I was expecting a longer fight." Ryoji said with disappointment in his voice. "What do you do now."

"We go back to Lord Incognito's place and give him the fucking McGuffin." Takumi said, thoroughly bored with the lack of an opportunity for him to act. Ryoji rolled his four-sided die once more to determine the next event of the game.

"You reach Lord Incognito's castle with no trouble. What do you do?" Ryoji asked the party.

"I yell, Hey! We got da McMuffin for da guy that owns dis place." Kentaro told Ryoji. "Den I let myself inside."

"You receive no response. After reaching the fourth floor, you see Lord Incognito standing at the end of the room overlooking the windows. He turns to you before speaking, 'Welcome, foolish mortals.' A horde of skeletal knights surround you and atta-" Was as far as Ryoji got before being interrupted by Takumi.

"I cast Turn Undead." Takumi interrupted, rolling his dice. Ryoji stared at the successful roll in front of Takumi for a few seconds before resuming his narration.

"…Well, the skeletons all crumble to dust in the wake of your spell." Ryoji said with defeat in his voice. Takumi nodded.

"If anyone needs healing I'll be standing over here." Takumi said dismissively before crossing his arms as usual. Mugi gripped her twenty-sided die, battle plan in hand.

"I cast Charm Person on Lord Incognito before walking over to him." Mugi said as she rolled a perfect twenty. "When I'm close enough I cast Touch of Idiocy on him." Mugi rolled her die, once more getting a critical success. "While he's stupid and under my control I tell him to walk out the window to his death." Mugi finished. Ryoji stared at Mugi with a blank expression on his face for a moment before responding.

"Well, Lord Incognito, being completely under your control and lacking any mental facilities to do anything else, walks out the window and plummets to his death." Ryoji told Mugi, his mind still reeling from seeing the epic final battle he planned out ending so so quickly and in such an anticlimactic fashion. Takumi was the first to comment on the situation.

"I rob Incognito's place dry. You joining in too, Azusa?" Takumi asked the girl sitting next to him, who jumped slightly at being addressed.

"Yes, senpai." Azusa responded in agreement as Ryoji once more pinched the bridge of his nose.

"With that, the game is concluded." Ryoji stated in a defeated tone. "Did you find our little role playing session agreeable?" Ryoji asked the group.

"I certainly had fun. This was fun. Let's do it again some time." Mugi said with sincerity as Yui nodded, Azusa shrugged, Ritsu growled at her bad luck and Mio remained neutral. Kentaro decided to pipe up.

"Mugi, you were great in dat game. All of your spells were awesome. Right Takkun?" Kentaro asked the Irate Pianist, who scowled at him.

"This game is so fucking broken." Takumi commented as he left to go home. Mio stood up next.

"I don't really know what happened but at least it wasn't boring." Mio said as she packed her belongings. Ryoji's mood was uplifted by this.

"Well, considering that at least you got some entertainment out of this, I for one found this game session circumferential." Ryoji said with grandiose in his voice.

"Dat's not how you use da word 'circumferential.' Stop using big words to sound fancy." Kentaro told his subordinate as he retreated back to his closet. Ritsu snickered.

"You know things are bad when _Kentaro_ of all people is correcting your grammar." Ritsu said with a grin on her face as Ryoji's shoulders slumped.

"Oh please don't be so coital." Ryoji said, unaware of what he was saying.

"Do you even know what 'coital' means?" Mio accused, Ryoji's butchering of the language finally getting on her nerves. Ryoji looked insulted at the accusation.

"Of course! It means, uh..." Ryoji trailed off. Suddenly he rolled up his sleeve and looked at his wrist watch. "Good heavens! Look at the time. I must be off to my humble abode. It was a transcendent euphoria to meet all of you. Farewell." With that, he left the club room.

"'Transcendent euphoria?' I think I see what Kentaro meant when he said Ryoji wasn't smart." Ritsu said to Azusa, who furrowed her brow in contemplation.

"So we're going to have to share a room with these three until their school is fixed..." Azusa said aloud, mostly to herself. She then looked up at Ritsu. "Ritsu, how long does it take to repair a school?" She asked her senior.

"Don't be like that, Azusa. What's the worst that these three can do?" Ritsu asked her junior before walking out of the room.

"I'm starting to notice a pattern here..." Azusa muttered to herself as she too left for home.

* * *

**Next time on A Perfectly Normal and Mundane K-On! Fanfic:**

**Chapter 4: Mio and the Six Million Yen Man**


End file.
